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TEN STEPS TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH INFERTILITY |
The capacity to conceive is taken for granted by human beings. Almost everybody expects to have children, and this is precisely why getting to know a sterility problem may cause suffering and emotional problems. At Institut Marquès we have a psychological team specialized in Assisted Reproduction and willing to support you and give you some advise while you are with us.
Find below some guidelines to face sterility:
1. GET TO KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS:
Some of the most common feelings that one might have when they get to know that they have a sterility problem are shock, denial, feelings of guilt directed to themselves or to one’s partner, anxiety, depression, loss of control, anger or loneliness in a social environment that does not always understands one’s feelings. All these feelings are common and the most important thing is that we recognize them, accept them, deal with them and keep them under control.
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2. SHARE YOUR FEELINGS:
Even if your family and friends do not really understand the meaning of infertility, try to be understanding and try to reduce your isolation that would lead you to depression and loneliness. Do not pretend that you are always being brave because they will think that you don’t need emotional support, but do not take for granted that everybody understands your needs either. Try to identify your feelings and share them. Writing them down is a helpful exercise.
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3. MAINTAIN COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR PARTNER:
When you keep your feelings to yourself and don’t share them, maybe trying to protect the other from sorrow, you might increase feelings such as distress, guilt and tension in the relationship. Discuss it together and compare your points of view. This will help you achieve better communication and prevent you from frustration and anger that might take place when you have different feelings.
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4. DECIDE WITH WHOM YOU WISH TO SHARE YOUR PROBLEM:
Make the following exercise: Write down the name of each person with whom you have shared your experience of infertility and note how many names there are. If there are none, it means that you are struggling to deal with it by yourself; you like your intimacy and avoid intruders’ questions. If there are plenty, it means that you have a wide ‘support network’ but that you might have to deal with other people’s feelings and questions that arise. Are all the people in the list people with whom you chose to share your experience? Finally have a look at your partner´s list. Are they different people? What does this tell you about how your partner deals with infertility?
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5. BE PREPARED FOR DIFFICULT MOMENTS:
There will be days when you will feel particularly sensitive, but if you are emotionally prepared, you will be able to deal better with these situations: Build your emotional strength and be prepared for different circumstances. For example, meet with pregnant friends, have conversations focused on pregnancy or children… Holidays and birthdays might cause you some additional stress as it might remind you of the passing of time and that you still do not have children. Remember that you are on your way to achieving it.
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6. MANAGE THE ANXIETY OF THE WAITING DAYS:
Programme activities that make you feel good: Take it as a chance to do those things that you never have time to do. Make a special agenda for these days. Practice the relaxation techniques that you already know and all the relaxation activities that help you to relax (massages, gym, etc…). Try not to constantly go to the toilet to verify. Have a normal life!
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7. KEEP THE CONTROL:
Write down positive things that you have done or good things that have happened and read them frequently. Organize a special night, and share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. You and your partner should be interested in getting some support, it is good to be in contact with people who are going through the same experience. Facing the difficult tasks step by step helps to reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed. ‘Taking to pieces’ or to different sections the infertility treatment will help in reducing the stress that it can produce to a person or to the couple’s relationship.
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8. VERBALISE ALL YOUR CONCERNS:
A good communication between you and the doctor is fundamental in order for you to feel well during the treatment. By asking about all your concerns, even the most insignificant details, you will manage to control your anxiety and the fears that the unknown might create sometimes.
The best source of information can vary, being sometimes your doctor, the nurse, the auxiliary or the psychologist. Write down your questions when you think about them and, when you get an answer, write it down so that you do not forget it. A lot of patients feel that having a small notebook helps them not to get distracted when they receive the answers to their questions.
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9. ENJOY YOUR SEXUALITY:
It is essential that you take time for yourselves and that you have a good time without any pressure of getting pregnant or not. Do things that you really fancy on the days for which you do not have any medical instructions. Remember that sex is not just for coital intercourse, other sexual foreplays can be performed, such as caresses or mutual massages. The days when you are ‘due’ to have coital intercourses, try to create an appropriate atmosphere, with variations and a lot of fantasy. Remember that the partner should not feel like a sperm ‘provider’, and neither the woman as a ‘container’ of an egg that should be fertilized. Make an effort to listen to your partner’s needs and try to be more tolerant with one another. Take care of your physical aspect more than ever and do not forget to say the words that your partner likes to hear.
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10. REQUEST PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT IF NEEDED:
During the process of the Assisted Reproduction, patients can go through particularly difficult moments: after a tiring trip full of expectations, they arrive to a city that they do not know and are confronted to a new medical and human experience that might change their lives. At Institut Marquès, we have a team of professionals aware of this need and close to you so that you can feel comfortable. And if you need special emotional support, our team of psychologists are at your disposal and during your stay at the centre, they will help you manage your anxiety in those difficult moments.
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